Anxiety is a word that is thrown around a lot, but what does it truly mean to live with it?
My whole life I have struggled with anxiety, but because anxiety is overlooked in general, it did not help with my diagnosis. It took numerous years for me to be diagnosed and at last “treated.
I struggle with panic attacks, as well as anxiety attacks though it may seem strange they are different. I was diagnosed with Severe anxiety and have been on medication ever since. It does help me, but that does not mean I do not still have episodes.
My anxiety is mostly surrounded by the fear of throwing up or getting severely ill and ending up in the hospital.
I think this specific fear started when my dad was in the hospital for a long while.He had an emergency surgery and almost died that day.
Along with that, both of my grandpas died in the same year when I was still fairly young.
Before this all happened, I had some anxiety, but it was not this intense or debilitating.
With anxiety, I fear many things that affect my day-to-day life. I have missed out on many things in my life, which led me to feel left out and upset.
There was a period in my life when I was missing school more than I was going all because of my anxiety.
I have missed field trips, parties, vacations and many more events all because of the anxiety that lives in me.
One thing that surprises most people about things I do or well I guess things I do not do is sleepovers. I went six consecutive years without spending the night at any of my friends’ houses or even family members’ houses.
It took me about five years to let people even stay at my house because I would freak out over their well-being. After all, I know how I am at sleepovers.
I tend to get one thought stuck in my head, which happens to always be the worst-case scenario and my thoughts start to spiral out of control.
The simplest tasks turn into the scariest things.
It becomes a pattern at times. If I have a panic attack over a specific thing or at a certain place, it is bound to happen there again. I will also fear going to that particular place or doing that specific thing. My panic and anxiety attacks can happen at random, but some things trigger it.
For example, eating out at restaurants is a trigger for me. It has to do with eating and how eating can make one nauseous or sick in certain cases, and I fear that it will cause me to get sick.
My anxiety has ruined many relationships with people, but through that, I have found the ones that truly care about me.
When I was younger, I hoped my anxiety would eventually get better I got older I have come to the conclusion it is not going anywhere, but I have accepted it.
It is a part of me.
Even though it is not the best thing, or even a good thing, it makes me who I am. Everyone has their quirks and this is mine.