The Horrors of Ronald McDonald

Ronald McDonald has many forms: some as a Big Mac, some as the worst food you will ever eat.

Starting Jan. 31, McDonald’s came out with three new menu “hacks” and the return of the legendary Shamrock Shake.

The concept of the menu “hacks” is to create your own menu combinations. To build each menu “hack” you are given the entrees to put it all together, as they are made up of previously existing McDonald’s entrees.

The first menu “hack” is the Land, Air and Sea, costing a whopping ten dollars, and having 1,330 of the worst calories for your body, this behemoth of a sandwich will nearly kill you.

To build the Land, Air, and Sea, you are given a Big Mac, Filet O’ Fish, and McChicken. You must build it yourself, first starting with the Big Mac, and placing the Filet O’Fish underneath, and putting the McChicken on top.

The Land, Air, and Sea is the Empire State of sandwiches because of its height. In order to eat it, you have to flatten it because of the fact it is three sandwiches tall. It is extremely difficult to eat.

The taste of the Land, Air, and Sea can be described as a blend of every McDonald’s flavor known to man, and the fish really stands out, and not in a good way. If I had to rate this “hack” I would give it a 0/10, because I would rather have nothing at all.

The second menu “hack” is the Crunchy McDouble. The Crunchy McDouble is made up of McDonald’s classic McDouble and six McNuggets. It comes with a sauce of one’s choosing and it has about 750 calories.

When constructing the burger, you must take apart the bottom of the burger to successfully build it up. After putting the nuggets under the burger, you add your sauce. I chose barbecue sauce, to hopefully disguise the intended taste of the sandwich.

The taste is borderline too hard to describe. The only thing you can taste is barbecue sauce and “McDonalds.” I would rate this hack a 5/10, both items are good, but they should not be eaten together.

The third and final “hack” is a McMuffin with a hash brown placed inside of it, called the hashbrown McMuffin. It is only 620 calories, by far the most realistic “hack.”

While the calories are manageable, the flavor is not. In addition, there are 4 different “textures” in the sandwich and none of them go together. The bread, hash brown, sausage, and egg all provide contrasting textures that truly are disgusting because none of them match up.

The flavor can be described as leftover breakfast from the previous day and potatoes. That paired with the colors create a sandwich that will wake you up in the morning but not in a good way.

The classic Shamrock Shake is also back. There are 460 calories in a small shake, with it costing $2.19.

Many people like this shake, and I can understand why. However, I personally don’t believe in the hype around it. The mint shake is honestly mid. I would rate it a 5/10.

As far as the opinion of Lakeland students, a poll showed 45 percent would rather have nothing at all than any of these choices. 27 percent would rather have the Shamrock Shake than any of the menu “hacks.” In total, only 28 percent of students would eat any of these horrendous “hacks.”